Cal's Journal

Spike and Xander play house...and Spike gets his bite back. Well...sort of. :)

Note: All pictures are courtesy of Screencap Paradise. Dialogue is courtesy of the Buffyverse Dialogue Database

Enjoy!





Can't even shout; Can't even cry;
The gentlemen are coming by;
Looking in windows; knocking on doors;
They need to take seven; and they might take yours;
Can't call to mom; can't say a word;
You're gonna die screaming but you won't be heard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Giles: Have you heard of a group called the gentlemen?
Spike: Group of what?
Giles: The Gentlemen.
Spike: Dunno.
Giles: You certain?
Spike: No. We're out of Weetabix.
Giles: We are out of Weetabix because you ate it all - again.
Spike: Get some more.



Giles: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Spike: Yep. Well sometimes I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood - give it a little texture.
Giles: Since the picture you just painted means I will never touch food of any kind again you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
Spike: Sissy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Giles: Um I need you to take Spike for a few days. Xander: What?
Spike: What? Anya: What?
Spike: I'm not staying with him!
Xander: He's not roaming around - he stays with me he's gonna get tied up again.
Spike: I'm not having these two shag while I'm tied to a chair three feet away.
Xander: That's not exactly one of my fantasies either.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Spike: Don't see why I have to be tied up. Xander: It's just while I'm sleeping.
Spike: Like I'd bite you anyway. Xander: Oh you would.
Spike: Not bloody likely. Xander: I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious.
Spike: Alright, yeah fine you're a nummy treat. Xander: And don't you forget it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Gentlemen steal everyone's voices:




Xander: --what's going on-- --why can't I talk?--
(Xander turns accusingly towards Spike)
Xander: --You you did this to me.--



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xander "saves" Anya from Spike:




Spike is not impressed!

Some time later...

Buffy screams and screams and screams and the gentlemen's heads explode.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There's a leak...and Spike shrinks his clothes:



Spike: I shrunk them. Bleeding shirt, trousers. I hate this place.
Xander: You know I'm not any happier about you wearing my stuff than you are.



Spike: You want me to tear this place apart, you bloody poof?
Xander: That's it! I am way past due with you. I hate to break it to you, oh impotent one, but you're not the big bad anymore, you're not even the kind of naughty. You're nothing but a waste of space - my space! And as much as I always got a big laugh watching Buffy kick your shiny white bum, as much as I know I can give you a little bum-kicking myself right now, I'm here to tell you something. You're not even worth it. I'm out of here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A suicidal Spike is about to swan dive onto a propped up stake:



Spike: Good bye, Dru. See you in hell.
Willow: What are you doing?
Spike: Bloody rot. Can't a person knock?



Spike: I mean, am I even remotely scary anymore? Tell me the truth.
(Willow just looks at him and he jumps at her, curling his hands into claws. )
Willow: Well, the shirt is kinda... not very threatening. And the short pants... but you know it could also be because I know you can't bite, which I guess isn't really what you need to hear right now, is it?



Willow: We can't leave him here like this! We'll have to take him with us to the museum.
Spike: Oh, you go on. I won't do anything. I feel better now. Promise.
Xander: Think of the happy. If we don't find what we're looking for, we face an apocalypse.
Spike: Really? You're not just saying that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike: You. Kids your age are going off to University, you've made it as far as the basement. And Red here, - you couldn't even keep dog-boy happy. You can take the loser out of high school, but...
Willow: I see what you're doing. You're trying to get us to dust you.
Spike: Am not! I just don't want pity from geeks more useless than I am.



Willow: We're not useless! We - we help people. We fight the forces of evil!
Spike: *Buffy* fights the forces of evil. You're her groupies. She'd do just as well without you - better I'd wager, since she wouldn't have to go about saving your hides all the time.
Xander: That is no not true! We're part of the team. She needs us.
Spike: Or you're just the same tenth grade losers you've always been, and she's too much of a softy to cut you loose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





Spike: No pain! I can hurt a demon! That's right. I'm back. And I'm a BLOODY ANIMAL! Yeah!



Xander: No! Willow: Spike, not in the hole!
(Spike throws the Vahrall into the Hellmouth and another bigger tremor shakes the earth.)
SPIKE: What? I was helping!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




Spike: What's this? Sitting around watching the telly while there's evil still a foot? That's not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can't go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let's find her! She is the Chosen One after all. Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let's annihilate them. For justice - and for - the safety of puppies - and Christmas, right? Let's *fight* that evil! - Let's *kill* something!

Oh, come *on*!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is just so much fun! :D

Up next - Season 4 continued