Cal's Journal

There have been so many posts that have already said what I want to say about Spike, only they've said it so much better than I can. People like jamalov29, whose Spike is so very much like my Spike.

But here, to the best of my ability, is my Spike:



. My Spike is a Spike who loves Buffy and who Buffy loves back in return.
. My Spike never gives up, no matter what life throws at him. That was one of the things that drew me to Spike in the first place, that ability to get up no matter how many times he's knocked down.
. And yes, my Spike still retains that part of him that made him "The Big Bad" in the first place, for without that dangerous side, he wouldn't be the Spike I know and love.
. My Spike is a vampire and would never want to be anything else.
. My Spike relishes the thrill of the fight, and when he's fighting side by side with Buffy, he really is a sight to behold.
. My Spike loves his girls, but he's no pushover. He may be "love's bitch", but he's still very much a man.
. My Spike loves Angel, but would die before admitting it. They fight like cat and dog, but woe betide anyone who tries to hurt either one of them. They're family.
. Buffy thinks Spike and Angel are "cute and funny" when they're together, but there's only one vampire for her - and he has bleached hair, a wicked grin and talks *a lot*.
. My Spike recites poetry on a regular basis, but only when he and Buffy are alone. Usually in the bedroom.
. My Spike will always have a place in his heart for Dru.
. My Spike has the heart of a poet hidden deep down inside.
. William will always be a part of Spike, although he tries very hard not to show that side of himself to the world. Buffy and Dawn know the "William" in him very well.
. My Spike still has a fear of being hurt by those he loves. These days, those fears are unfounded.
. My Spike and Buffy are not all sweetness and light. They love hard, work hard, play hard and fight hard. But the making up is always so much fun!
. My Spike always likes to try new things - both in and out of the bedroom. Buffy has no problem keeping up with him. She likes a bit of monster in her man.
. My Spike doesn't find "being good" easy. Even with his soul.
. Which makes the fact that my Spike is a hero even more of an accomplishment. Which he is. A hero.
. My Spike is insatiable.
. My Spike will always find his way back to Buffy, just as she will always find her way back to him.
. My Spike still finds it hard to believe that he's loved. My Buffy proves it to him every day. And he proves it to her right back.



And that's just a fraction of what I could say. :)

My love of Spike is still as strong as it ever was. I can't see that ever changing.

*raises glass to Spike - the best fictional character ever*

I have so much to thank Spike for. Without him, I would never have known who James Marsters was. I would never have met so many wonderful people. Spike opened up a whole new world for me, that I would never have known if I hadn't fallen in love with him. Because of him, I found all of you. I became a fan of James Marsters, and a part of a fandom that I love, even if it is a little crazy at times. ;) James brought Spike to life. Without him, Spike wouldn't have been even half the character he was. At one time, I thought that I would always think of Spike when I looked at James. But I now think of the two as completely seperate entities. Spike lives on in my head, and in the many stories I read about him. James...well, James continues to bring me happineess through new acting roles, through his music and personal appearances, and through the people I continue to meet who admire him as much as I do.

Without James there would never have been Spike. Without Spike I would never have found James. Without either of them I would never have found all of you. So I think I have a lot to thank them for. :)

Happy 10th Birthday, Spike. I'll never forget the day you crashed into my life!

To finish this post I've uploaded a song by John Barrowman that means a lot to me on a personal level, but that also makes me think of Spike every time I hear it. I hope you enjoy. :)

John Barrowman - Dreamers